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[22 Jan 2007|02:27am] |
Hell-o!
"Don't get my sympathy
Hanging out the 15th floor
You've changed the locks three times
He still comes reeling through the door
One day I'll get to you
And teach you how to get to purest hell
You do it to yourself, you do
and that's what really hurts
You do it to yourself, just you
you and no-one else
You do it to yourself
You do it to yourself"
/
///
//
/
+
So I realized that i'm going to get back into either A) waiting tables or B) cocktailing. I'm tired of dealing with people and getting paid hourly for it.
But i'm in college now and going to London... so it's cool. But in the mean-time... no more french sweets. :)
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| yeah... so |
[15 Dec 2006|10:33pm] |
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music |
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John Tejada - At The end Of It All |
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It's been a while since I last updated. A lot has gone down... like getting my first and LAST DWI. Wrecking my car beyond repair. Going completely insane.
I'm in college now. American Intercontinental University. It started in Europe and now how locations in a few major cities in the US. I'm getting a BFI. Bachelors of Fine Arts. That is Visual Communications: Photography, Web Design, Photoshop and Dreamweaver, etc. In three years i'll have a real decent career. Possibly in web design. And i'd like to do freelance photography. Weddings, portraits, models, etc. In a couple of months I will have my new camera. I'm getting a Nikon D50. Fucking sexy.
Brandon is over. He and John are watching Where the Buffalo Roam. I just made spicey speghetti. :) Even though I am so preoccupied with bullshit crap... life is good. Probation sucks... not having a car... losing 8,000 dollars - really bites. But you know what? What is hard is right. And will make you stronger.
I feel crazy. This feels crazy. In a very difficult time in my life... where everything is wacko and out of the loop, I have found peace. Peace in chaos. I'm one of those people that focus under pressure. I really do believe that life is changing for the better. Not just life... but me. I feel that I am becoming a better person. I'm thinking realistically... yet still dreaming of all the possibilities. I'm a 20 year old beautiful girl who has great passions. I have my whole life ahead of me.
And who else better to be by my side than Johnny? Nobody.
And on another note... I just wanted to say that I love my mother. She is the strongest, coolest, hippest, most noble woman I have ever met. She is my hero in every way and I adore her. I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!!
-Bonnie Polinski
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| IMPORTANT |
[24 Sep 2006|06:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 angry |
] |
| [ |
music |
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kraftwerk |
] |
hey everyone. SOMEONE HACKED my aim screen name: Prisca in Eden. I can't delete or change my password because i cant remember my security question. I will never be on that screen name again so if someone IMs you, then it is clearly not me.
My new screen name is: assemblage 2012
thanx
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[22 Aug 2006|07:13pm] |
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i know way too many leos and virgos. fuck a sag. i'm kinda hoping to meet a really cool gemini?
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| hey hey hey! |
[14 Aug 2006|10:28am] |
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It's my birthday! :) Bonnie is 20.
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[05 Aug 2006|10:06am] |
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music |
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MASSIVE ATTACK |
] |
you
are my angel
come from way above
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[23 Jul 2006|05:31pm] |
sober now
im cold; alone
im just a person on my own
nothing means a thing to me
oh nothing means a thing to me
its not a habit
its cool
i feel alive
if you dont have it
your on the other side
im not an addict, baby, thats a lie
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[21 Jul 2006|03:56pm] |
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music |
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Danzig - Mother |
] |
Model: Logan Cornwel
Taken by: Bonnie Polinski
I feel like I really need to update, but I wouldn't even know where to start. I can't even type as fast anymore. So much has gone on. New people have entered my life. I have been different places with unfamiliar faces. My car got broken into and then fixed the very next day. I got drunkenly slapped around in the warehouse district by my best friends un-girlfriend.
Life is insane right now. Lots of Sonic Slushies and such. I'm a GC (guitar center) Groupie. Someone really needs to make me a shirt stating that. I'm supposed to hang out with Jeremy Spafford today... waiting on his call because I have two Jeremys in my phone... don't know which one is him. Maybe I'll go to Buffalo Exchange? Maybe see something worth buying... but even when I do I just imagine who wore it and where it has been. What drugged up sluts had sex in it and how it ended up at the exchange.
Then I find myself back in my little black chevy... driving faster than I really should. Blasting the Toadies and Pink Floyd.....................................
That is what I'm going to do. I'll drive to a pretty place and listen to Pink Floyd. Alone. On hospital prescribed codine because I have a pain in my little brain.
I love you guys. Live long and prosper!
-Bonnie Polinski
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| ... |
[20 Jun 2006|02:06pm] |
I am not even sure that I know what to say. Life is crazy and at most times, divine. Being married is amazing... especially when you're married to the most daring, beautiful and free man in the multiverse.
Clinton came from Arizona and left already due to a funeral at home. Good thing that happened though, because things exploded with Tiff and Aaron right after he left.
I know that talking about income is unappropriate, but I feel it might be good for me. Not like anyone even reads this thing anyway. John and I are making a good share of money now and I don't know the best way to handle it. I know we could save it or just spend it all for a while and live it up while we are still young? Is there a median? Something wise I might be missing? I've never been good with money handling. We have enought saved for our trip to South Padre and Mexico... and all the summer birthdays and bills and rent. Now I think we'll pay off John's stuff and my stuff and be completely caught up? Then maybe ask Grandfather if we can increase the size of our monthly car payments to get it paid off faster so we can have two cars... (even thought one car is perfect for John and I).
I think that I have forgotten how to make friends. Or how to be nice to people? No... i'm nice to people. Maybe I'm too busy? Maybe I need to learn to care about human emotions. I don't know. I have my family and close friends and that is all that really matters to me. New friends are just stressful to me.
I stopped writing for a very long time. Then I started again and my style has changed completely. I really like it and I am very amazed at how easy it was to fall back into it. So I finally decided what I'm going to go to college for. This time for real. I'm going to be an Editor. I'll take journalism and creative writing. Practical writing and english of course... keeping most of my focus on Journalism.
Over all..
life is very good.
Sincerely,
Bonnie Polinski
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| oh stoooorrrrrmy.... |
[26 May 2006|03:20pm] |
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music |
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The Supremes - Stormy |
] |
BRING BACK THAT SUNNY DAY!
"You were the sunshine baby
Whenever you smile
But I call you Stormy today
All of a sudden that old rains fallin' down
And my world is cloudy and gray
You've gone away"
Life has been rather dull lately and i've disassociated myself from almost everybody. I've even started being a bitch to people who have always been nice to me. I'd like to apologize.
ORI, AARON, BRANDON, JASON, JAKI - Sorry... you guys are awesome.
This summer is going to get better. I mean.. things are good. The battle is mainly within myself. But John and I are going on a road trip to Mexico in July with Tiff and Aaron. We're also going to South Padre Island.
Then John and I are going to go to Arizona (tucson) again... and Clinton is coming in next week from Arizona to see TX for the first time. Then to New York to go apartment hunting in the Autumn. I can't wait to be a part of the city. I just wish I could bring my mom.
John is moving up in his job at Guitar Center. I still bouncing around with jobs mainly because I hate waiting tables but I despise retail even more... so it's taking a while to find a resturaunt that suites me well. BW3s (Buffalo Wild Wings - Royal Oaks) is going good. We'll see how it goes. I like it so far. The car is good. Cats are good. Health is good. Apartment is a mess and I could care less. I'm 19... when I'm a rich mom i'll clean all the time.
But for now I like struggling a little. IT keeps life exciting. Bye guys.
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| so... |
[04 May 2006|01:25am] |
So I was thinking about how I unknowingly picked up a new hobby. I just realized it tonight. My little gang and I have a movie obsession. John and I have Netflix and Tiffany works at Blockbuster, so the movies are plentiful.
IF ANY OF YOU HAVE ANY MOVIE SUGGESTIONS PLEASE COMMENT WITH THEM!!!
I have also picked up a car hobby. I go to HPD meets every Tuesday with Tiff and Aaron. HPD is "Houston Performance Driving." Aaron has made a lot of new friends ever since he got his Camaro SS. This Tuesday we met at Niko Nikos which was awesome. It's fun to race with Camaros, Vettes, Stangs and this guy has a badass Supra that scares bikers.
They go to Starbucks to try to make their penis' seem bigger. HAHAHHAA
Speaking of Starbucks... John and I went for out usual Cafe Americanos and when we walked outside to take a seat, I felt someone staring at me. I looked around and to my surprise, Mr. Barazi (Ryah's Father), and his friends were staring at me. I introduced him to my husband, John, and he hugged me and gave me his congrats. It was so weird. I wouldn't smoke my coffee cigarette because I'm still conditioned to think I'll get in trouble. So John and I escaped to our car for a smoke.
John and I got rid of Luna (one of our cats) but kept Obi Wan. Two of the kittens are leaving to their new home tomorrow around 5:30. So then we only have to find a home for one more kitten. If you're interested, give me a buzz.
Got to go... watching Twin Peaks tonight.
Sincerely,
Bonnie Polinski
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| every whisper |
[25 Apr 2006|03:28pm] |
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music |
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The Association - Windy |
] |
every waking hour
im chosing my confessions
l o s i n g m y ( r e l i g i o n )
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| and again i say |
[10 Apr 2006|04:47pm] |
"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance."
-Oscar Wilde
"The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast."
-Oscar Wilde
( s m i l e )
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| dirt.on.my.face |
[04 Apr 2006|02:56pm] |
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music |
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Cocteau Twins - Heaven or Las Vegas |
] |
So I don't even know if anyone wonders anymore. If people think of me anymore. I have been away for so long. Not quite hiding, but lazy to the thought of trying to be heard. It seems the only ones I have to think of me and miss me are the cats of my life. Obi Wan Kenobi, Luna, the three white kittens, Stormy, Windy, Zeus, Squeaky, Kiki... the names that are closest to me are cats.
I have troubles trying not to laugh about this. John, or "Johnny" he is now called my co-workers, is at work (guitar center). I'm at my mothers house (where there is internet) and both her and Paul are at work. Tiffany and Aaron are job hunting. I am sitting here still cold from the shower and as I say this I remember that nobody is reading this. Don't believe that I am depressed because I am not... just...
oh whats the word. I am weirded out that I don't remember how to be nice to strangers. To make friends. Even when I somehow make a friend now, I...
A) Don't talk much and that makes them uneasy. I keep my mouth shut due to paranoia.
B) Instead of not talking I talk too much about things that don't make sense... ramble on and on to fill the silence and end up looking like a psycho.
C) Everything that comes out of my mouth is a subtle insult to them... I suppose because I've pretended to like them. I'm just not easily satisfied, I suppose.
I probably sound like a broken record but these are things I have been thinking about lately. So the other day I actually went on MYSPACE. haha... I never go on myspace but I got desperate to find some interesting people. I looked at 47 pages of girls that might be a cool friend. Dissapointment. Not one of them appealed to me in any way, shape or form. Here are the reasons why:
ABOUT PEOPLE NOW A DAYS
1) Some girls were just to ugly for me to even look at.
2) Some girls were just to fat for me to even fathom.
3) Some girls were too black.
4) Some girls were too mexican.
5) Some girls were too middle eastern.
6) Some girls were too white.
7) Some girls were too stupid.
8) Some girls had horrible taste in music.
9) Some girls were too artsy.
10) Fake hippies, goth fairies with tattered wings haha, preppy beach babes, scarface lovers, chinese techno ravers, empty headed, wannabe artists, emo "kids", metalheads, drunken bitches, druggies, meth heads, anorexics.........
I got fed up. People are accomplishing an ultimate level of fakeness. The most fake of them all are the ones that claim to be against the fake world. The "art people". They rant and rave about new books and photography. The go to the museum of fine arts, contemporary arts and act like they think it is interesting while they drink coffee and gossip and talk about things they don't even understand with other people that dress just like them. Earthy colors like green and brown is their main wardrobe color. They have messy hair and are going through a phase of NO MAKE UP ALLOWED. They smoke too much pot yet consider themselves a more intellectual high. Deep down they strive to be looked at... to be interesting and dark and mysterious... while at the same time dressing like eachother and fading away into a giant pool of art fags and people of the worlds that seem to collide together into one big massacre of red and green and blue and death and tears.
I refuse to be so human.
And all of you would say, "Oh Bonnie. Bonnie Bitch. Still bitter after all these years. Still hasn't grown up. Still angsty, Bonnie. Bitter, Bonnie." I suppose that you could say I'm "still bitter". I don't think so, though. I would say that I am more open... more accepting... but the world keeps changing. The worlds keeps throwing itself away more and more and I refuse to lower myself so low.
No... i'm not bitter. I am afraid. - Afraid that there is nobody left who really feels.
So I hang onto my Husband every night and fall into a dream world where him and I get fat with love and the riches of life.
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[31 Mar 2006|09:51am] |
no one could understand...
just exactly why i hate all of you.
oh. and im not kidding.
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| blue skies |
[21 Mar 2006|03:10pm] |
So the move went extremely well. John and I really love our new apartment. And our new car. And I love my new job, too. I'm done with training so now the money will be even better for us and we can work on our savings.
Mainly to buy me another car cause I don't like standards.
I think I'd like a Corvette Z06 but that will not happen for many years. So i'll go with either a safari looking green jeep or another one of my favorable shitty cars that need love. The new 07 camaro looks really awesome, too.
Also, John and I are going to start bike riding and swimming more often so we can get in shape. Our complex is huge with the creeks and sunny walkways through green grass and a big field so bike riding should be rather enjoyable. ESPECIALLY the swimming part, considering we have an olympic sized pool as well as a 12 ft deep pool and 5 others. There is also a heated pool for those chilly, sexy evenings after a nice jamaican jerk chicken dinner which I plan on making very soon.
Life is good. My love for Johnny grows stronger every day. I am building a foundation for myself by looking into colleges. I'd like to be a full time novelist and a part time Pharmacy Technician. Scholarships are so easy.
I am also building my relationships with people. Everything I said I wanted to do for New Years resolutions are already happening smoothly. My sister is my best friend and also the only person on this earth that REALLY understands. I'm an elitist with friends. I only really REALLY loved one of my friends but she is non existant and has been for a long time so on with life i go.
head held high, chin up, and a blinding smile on. everybody! be happy.
P.S.!!!!!! I almost forgot! Luna (one of my two cats) is pregnant!!!!!!
SO IF ANY OF YOU WANT ADORABLE KITTENS, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!
Luna is a Tortishell with a white belly and long tail and the father, Obi Wan Kenobi, is an albino tabby cat with ice blue eyes.... so the kittens should be breath-taking. Indoor cats, flea free home, litter box trained. FOR FREE
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[15 Mar 2006|09:25pm] |
I'm sorry guys. Do to some MORE stalkers... I now need to screen my comments for reasons such as:
if i say im going somewhere
you give me your number
i give you my number
blah blah blah
but i'll unscreen some
OH AND WHO WANTS TO HELP ME MOVE FRIDAY>?!??!?!?!?!?
probably nobody :/
P.S. i finally found a job i want to settle down in. i havn't liked ANY jobs since barry's. it is....
HOBBIT CAFE (a lord of the rings based resturant on richmond and kirby
fuck yeah!
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[13 Mar 2006|11:04am] |
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i love my life and my friends and my husband. now off to hobbit cafe
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| Attention: Please Evacuate The Refinery |
[12 Mar 2006|04:53pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Aslan Faction - Bring on the Dying |
] |
d e t a t c h e d
andinsanelyheartbroken
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I never knew what that word was... that solemnly hung quiety above head. In dreams and slipping inbetween asleep and awake. That one word that I could really say describes me. Well, ladies and gentlemen... Mrs. Polinski has found that word. It is: DETATCHED.
From reality? Probably not, considering I am still functioning in it quite well. Or maybe I really have gone insane and am building my own paradise? Detatched... from people? Seems I am but I live with them every day? Maybe not quite. Detatched... from myself? from my family? from the sky the sun the moon? from music and light and the darkness in my dreams? from dancing and taking vitamins? from working? from being simple...... i don't know.
Let us just say detatched. Period.
My father always said: "Change what goes into your mind and change yourself." Well... I took his advice and it worked. I stopped listening to Manson many years ago which I can thank my father for. Manson sucks. Especially more-so now than in 97 when I was interested.
But not to stray from the subject at hand, when I changed what went into my mind... I forgot to put something else into my mind. And now I see blank spaces... spaces inbetween us... spaces where thoughts should be. Spaces that space me out into space which in turn give me more space than I could possibly need or want... which in return bring loneliness.
When I tell this to John he calls me a stress-a-holic. Says I worry too much. Maybe he is right... but I cannot ignore this .... this _______ that has no name. This feeling that has no name... as it drills and stirs my wicked heart.
I am the leader of a plague with no name.
I am an army that is dusted in shame.
I wish that I could explain how I feel but I can't for numerous reasons. I'd think it pointless since I know that nobody even read this far. It would be a poetic short story for you. You wouldn't take it seriously as a feeling... a state of being that I am forever locked inside.
but on i go and i must spill it for me. this is me. this is the feeling erupting inside of my chest.... making me feel the need to howl and brand the moon. this is what i feel every second of every day that i am feeling like myself:
Dark clouds. Cluttered dark clouds wisping down to the burnt grass. A black car. A shiny black car which I arrived in. Arrived at the scene with the dark clouds. Invisible audience waits for my show. I dance to machines and crooked songs with singers that sing out of twisted teeth. Dark glowing purple spaces in the heavy black sky. Black clouds with silver dust. Falling. Heart-break's story untold. Misery lifted out of my chest and explodes. Piercing eyes. Sharp hands. Weak yet so strong. The face of knowledge... swimming. I'm swimming in a sea of oil... refinery queen. Covered in oil... set the world on fire as the cry for me.
Nobody will ever understand... but until then... I will continue to live and breathe and be the happiest woman in the universe. The girl who was never burnt by fireflies. The girl who misses a beautiful girl I once drowned in a sea with. The girl who eats too many grapes. The girl who lives each day like it were her deathday.
Adieu,
Bonnie Polinski
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